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Ask for What You Want

I am often inspired by my clients and friends. Sure, people learn from me, but I learn from them too. Lately I've been especially noticing when women say *exactly* what they want when it comes to sex and relationships. I've had more than one client and a few friends do this in recent months, even when want they want has been kind of "unconventional" or not likely to be shared by their partners. They asked anyway!

Here's an example of a bigger ask than many people ever make, but I'm using it for exactly that reason:

My friend M. has been happily married for many years, and she and her husband have toyed with and talked about the idea of opening up their relationship. They've had lots of conversations about it and have had some fun together at "adult" parties and so on. But M. really, truly wanted to take the next step and actually see other people. She loves her husband and at the same time does not want an entire life of monogamy. After lots of soul searching, she's reached the conclusion that it's just not for her.

So, even though her husband was less enthusiastic about it than she was at first, she asked. She sat down with him and laid out her feelings, the reasons for her desire to do this, her commitment and love for him, and exactly what she wanted to do. And they talked, and talked, and finally came to an agreement, and she did it. And several years later, they still have a happily committed relationship, just in a configuration that works better for her. (Her husband warmed up to the idea and now likes their arrangement too.)

What I see here was that her courage to ask for what she wanted has allowed her to be much happier and more fulfilled.

Now, I'm not saying everyone should go ask their partners for an open relationship. I used an example that might be "bigger" than you personally need to ask for, but I did that for a reason. If she can ask for that, what might you be able to ask for? Is there something you want from your relationship that you're not getting but that you really, really want? Maybe for you it's conversation at the end of the day, or having dinner taken care of sometimes, or your partner to spend more time going down on you, or regular dates... it could be anything.

The take-away from this blog post -- ask. Ask for what you want, and if you don't think another person shares your desire, ask anyway. You may hear yes or no, but you only live once and you owe it to yourself to at least try to get what you want.

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